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const _ = require('lodash'); |
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const dedent = require('dedent-tabs').default; |
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const genList = function(list, max){ |
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return _.sampleSize(list, _.random(0, max)).join(', ') || 'None'; |
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}; |
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const getMonsterName = function(){ |
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return _.sample([ |
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'All-devouring Baseball Imp', |
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'All-devouring Gumdrop Wraith', |
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'Chocolate Hydra', |
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'Devouring Peacock', |
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'Economy-sized Colossus of the Lemonade Stand', |
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'Ghost Pigeon', |
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'Gibbering Duck', |
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'Sparklemuffin Peacock Spider', |
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'Gum Elemental', |
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'Illiterate Construct of the Candy Store', |
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'Ineffable Chihuahua', |
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'Irritating Death Hamster', |
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'Irritating Gold Mouse', |
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'Juggernaut Snail', |
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'Juggernaut of the Sock Drawer', |
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'Koala of the Cosmos', |
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'Mad Koala of the West', |
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'Milk Djinni of the Lemonade Stand', |
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'Mind Ferret', |
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'Mystic Salt Spider', |
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'Necrotic Halitosis Angel', |
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'Pinstriped Famine Sheep', |
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'Ritalin Leech', |
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'Shocker Kangaroo', |
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'Stellar Tennis Juggernaut', |
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'Wailing Quail of the Sun', |
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'Angel Pigeon', |
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'Anime Sphinx', |
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'Bored Avalanche Sheep of the Wasteland', |
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'Devouring Nougat Sphinx of the Sock Drawer', |
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'Djinni of the Footlocker', |
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'Ectoplasmic Jazz Devil', |
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'Flatuent Angel', |
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'Gelatinous Duck of the Dream-Lands', |
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'Gelatinous Mouse', |
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'Golem of the Footlocker', |
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'Lich Wombat', |
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'Mechanical Sloth of the Past', |
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'Milkshake Succubus', |
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'Puffy Bone Peacock of the East', |
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'Rainbow Manatee', |
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'Rune Parrot', |
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'Sand Cow', |
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'Sinister Vanilla Dragon', |
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'Snail of the North', |
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'Spider of the Sewer', |
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'Stellar Sawdust Leech', |
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'Storm Anteater of Hell', |
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'Stupid Spirit of the Brewery', |
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'Time Kangaroo', |
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'Tomb Poodle', |
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]); |
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}; |
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const getType = function(){ |
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return `${_.sample(['Tiny', 'Small', 'Medium', 'Large', 'Gargantuan', 'Stupidly vast'])} ${_.sample(['beast', 'fiend', 'annoyance', 'guy', 'cutie'])}`; |
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}; |
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const getAlignment = function(){ |
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return _.sample([ |
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'annoying evil', |
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'chaotic gossipy', |
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'chaotic sloppy', |
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'depressed neutral', |
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'lawful bogus', |
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'lawful coy', |
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'manic-depressive evil', |
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'narrow-minded neutral', |
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'neutral annoying', |
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'neutral ignorant', |
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'oedpipal neutral', |
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'silly neutral', |
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'unoriginal neutral', |
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'weird neutral', |
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'wordy evil', |
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'unaligned' |
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]); |
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}; |
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const getStats = function(){ |
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return `|${_.times(6, function(){ |
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const num = _.random(1, 20); |
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const mod = Math.ceil(num/2 - 5); |
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return `${num} (${mod >= 0 ? `+${mod}` : mod})`; |
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}).join('|')}|`; |
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}; |
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const genAbilities = function(){ |
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return _.sample([ |
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'***Pack Tactics.*** These guys work together like peanut butter and jelly.', |
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'***Fowl Appearance.*** While the creature remains motionless, it is indistinguishable from a normal chicken.', |
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'***Onion Stench.*** Any creatures within 5 feet of this thing develops an irrational craving for onion rings.', |
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'***Enormous Nose.*** This creature gains advantage on any check involving putting things in its nose.', |
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'***Sassiness.*** When questioned, this creature will talk back instead of answering.', |
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'***Big Jerk.*** Whenever this creature makes an attack, it starts telling you how much cooler it is than you.', |
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]); |
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}; |
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const genLongAbilities = function(){ |
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return _.sample([ |
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dedent`***Pack Tactics.*** These guys work together like peanut butter and jelly. Jelly and peanut butter. |
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When one of these guys attacks, the target is covered with, well, peanut butter and jelly.`, |
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dedent`***Hangriness.*** This creature is angry, and hungry. It will refuse to do anything with you until its hunger is satisfied. |
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When in visual contact with this creature, you must purchase an extra order of fries, even if they say they aren't hungry.`, |
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dedent`***Full of Detergent.*** This creature has swallowed an entire bottle of dish detergent and is actually having a pretty good time. |
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While walking near this creature, you must make a dexterity check or become "a soapy mess" for three hours, after which your skin will get all dry and itchy.` |
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]); |
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}; |
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const genAction = function(){ |
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const name = _.sample([ |
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'Abdominal Drop', |
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'Airplane Hammer', |
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'Atomic Death Throw', |
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'Bulldog Rake', |
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'Corkscrew Strike', |
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'Crossed Splash', |
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'Crossface Suplex', |
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'DDT Powerbomb', |
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'Dual Cobra Wristlock', |
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'Dual Throw', |
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'Elbow Hold', |
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'Gory Body Sweep', |
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'Heel Jawbreaker', |
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'Jumping Driver', |
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'Open Chin Choke', |
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'Scorpion Flurry', |
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'Somersault Stump Fists', |
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'Suffering Wringer', |
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'Super Hip Submission', |
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'Super Spin', |
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'Team Elbow', |
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'Team Foot', |
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'Tilt-a-whirl Chin Sleeper', |
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'Tilt-a-whirl Eye Takedown', |
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'Turnbuckle Roll' |
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]); |
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return `***${name}.*** *Melee Weapon Attack:* +4 to hit, reach 5ft., one target. *Hit* 5 (1d6 + 2) `; |
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}; |
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module.exports = { |
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monster : function(classes, genLines){ |
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return dedent` |
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{{${classes} |
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## ${getMonsterName()} |
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*${getType()}, ${getAlignment()}* |
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___ |
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**Armor Class** :: ${_.random(10, 20)} (chain mail, shield) |
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**Hit Points** :: ${_.random(1, 150)}(1d4 + 5) |
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**Speed** :: ${_.random(0, 50)}ft. |
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___ |
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| STR | DEX | CON | INT | WIS | CHA | |
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|:-----:|:-----:|:-----:|:-----:|:-----:|:-----:| |
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${getStats()} |
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___ |
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**Condition Immunities** :: ${genList(['groggy', 'swagged', 'weak-kneed', 'buzzed', 'groovy', 'melancholy', 'drunk'], 3)} |
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**Senses** :: darkvision 60 ft., passive Perception ${_.random(3, 20)} |
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**Languages** :: ${genList(['Common', 'Pottymouth', 'Gibberish', 'Latin', 'Jive'], 2)} |
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**Challenge** :: ${_.random(0, 15)} (${_.random(10, 10000)} XP) |
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___ |
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${_.times(_.random(genLines, genLines + 2), function(){return genAbilities();}).join('\n:\n')} |
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: |
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${genLongAbilities()} |
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### Actions |
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${_.times(_.random(genLines, genLines + 2), function(){return genAction();}).join('\n:\n')} |
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}} |
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\n`; |
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} |
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}; |
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