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"There was no doubt " he said "that every place was consecrated where truth was spoken and the Spirit made itself apparent

No one could deny it

Much fruit he did believe might follow the sowing of the seed whose hand soever scattered it

Still there were other and nearer roads to the point I aimed at

There were the sick and the needy around us-- many of his own congregation--with whom I might reciprocate sweet comfort and at whose bedside I might administer the balm that should serve them in the hardest hour of their extremity

It should be his office to conduct me to their humble habitations: it would be unspeakable joy to him to behold me well and usefully employed

" And it was with eagerness that I accepted the touching invitation

I was not loth or slow to take advantage of it

To serve mankind to evince my gratitude for mercies great and undeserved was all I asked

To know that I had gratified my wish was peace itself

Highly as I had estimated the character of Mr Clayton I had yet to learn his real value

I had yet to behold him the dispenser of comfort and contentment in the hovels of the wretched and the stricken--to see the leaden eye of disease grow bright at his approach and the scowl of discontent and envious repining dissolve into equanimity or mould itself in smiles

I had yet to see him the kind and patient companion of the friendless and the slighted--slighted because poor; the untired listener to long tales of misery--so miserable that they who told them could not track their dim beginnings or fix the time in distant childhood when wretchedness was not

I had yet to find him standing at the beggar's pallet giving encouragement inciting hope and adding to the counsel of a guide the solid evidences of a brother's love

With what a zeal did I attempt to follow in my patron's steps--with what enthusiasm did I begin the course which his sanction had legalized and rendered holy--and how without a doubt as to my title or a reflection on the propriety of the step impelled by religious fervour did I assume the tone and authority of a teacher and arrogate to myself the right of determining the designs of the Omnipotent and of appointing the degree of holy warmth below which no believer could be sure of forgiveness and salvation! In no transaction of my life have I ever been more sincere--have I acted with a more decided assurance of the justice and necessity of the task than at this critical moment of my career

If Divine goodness had not been specially vouchsafed to me it was not that the conviction of my appointment was not as clear and firm as the liveliest impressions of the inmost heart could make it

To labour for the souls of the poor--to teach them their obligations--to point out to them the way of safety--it was this view of my delegated office that raised me to ecstasy and compelled from me the strangest ebullitions of passion

I pronounced the change in my habits of thought to be "the dawning of the day and the sudden rising of the day-star in my heart;" and dwelling with intensity on my future labours I could exclaim with trembling emotion --"Oh the exceeding excellency and glory and sweetness of the work! The smile of heaven is upon it--the emphatic testimony of my own conscience approves and hallows it

" I reflect at this moment with wonder upon the almost supernatural ardour and devotion by which I was elevated and abased when I first became thoroughly convinced of my mission and declared aloud that my only business now upon earth was that of the lowest and readiest of servants whose joy consists in the pleasure of their Master

The strangeness the excitement that accompanied the adoption of my new character had nearly overthrown me

Wild with gladness before I visited a human being I took a journey of some twenty miles from the metropolis

I do not remember now the name of the village at which I stopped from which I hurried and whose fields I scoured with the design of finding some covert unfrequented spot where I might unmolested and unobserved pour forth the prayers and hymns of praise with which my surcharged heart was teeming

Until nightfall I remained there nor did I leave the place until calmly and deliberately I begged permission to devote myself to the glory and honour of Him whose favoured child I was

I walked a few miles on my return homeward

I passed a church that in the stillness of night reared its dark form and seemed solemnly and pensively like a thing of life to stand before me

The moon rose at its full over the venerable wall and scattered its bright cool light across the tall and moss-grown windows

Oh! every thing in life that wondrous night stirred up my soul to pious resolutions and gave a wing to thought that could not find repose but in the silent and eternal sky

The impetuosity with which I entered upon my scheme of usefulness forbade preparation of any kind had I not believed that any previous qualification was not essential to my purpose; or if essential had been miraculously implanted in me

I was soon called upon to make my first visitation

Never will it be forgotten

It was to the work-house

Mr Clayton had been called thither by an old communicant of whom he had not heard before for years

"He was ill and he desired to speak with his still beloved minister

" Such was the message which reached my friend at the moment of his quitting his abode on an errand of still greater urgency

"Go Caleb " said Mr Clayton "visit and comfort the poor sufferer; and may grace accompany your first labour of love

" I proceeded to the place and arriving there was ushered into a small close room--to recoil at once from the scene of misery which was there presented

Lying with his hat and clothes upon the bed dying was the man himself; his wife was busy in the room cleaning it quietly and indifferently as though the sleep of healthy life had closed her partner's eye and nothing worse

On the threshold was a girl the daughter of them both twenty years of age or more _an idiot_ for she laughed outright when I approached her

I had come to the house with my heart full of precious counsel and yearning to communicate the message with which I knew myself to be charged

But in a moment I was brought to earth shocked by the sight which I beheld wounded in my nature and I had not a word to say

The hardened woman looked at me for a moment and calling me to myself by the act I mentioned the name of Mr Clayton and was again silent

"What! can't he come sir?" asked the beldame

"Well it don't much matter

It's all over with 'un I fear

Come Jessie can't you speak to the gentleman? What can you make of her sir?" The daughter looked at me again and sickened me with her unmeaning laughter

I remembered the object of my visit and struggled for composure

Had I become a recreant so quickly? Had I not a word to say for my Master? Nothing to offer the needy creatures perishing perhaps of spiritual want? Alarmed at my own apathy and eager to throw it off I turned to the poor girl and spoke to her

I asked her many questions before I could command attention

She could only look at me wildly blush laugh and make strange motions to her mother

At length I said-- "Tell me Jesse tell your friend who came into the world to save sinners?" "Him him him " she answered hastily and gabbled as before

"Ah " said the mother "the poor cretur does sometimes talk about religion but it's very seldom and uncertain like and I can't help her either

" "Let me read to _you_ " said I

"Lor' bless you sir " she answered "it wouldn't do me no good

I am too old for that

Now get out of the way there--do you simpleton " she added turning to the idiot; "just let me pass--don't you see I am wanting to fetch up water

" She left the room immediately and her daughter ran after her screaming a wild and piercing note

I moved to the dying man

He was insensible to anything I could say

Fretted and ashamed of myself I hurried from the house and returning home rushed to my room fell upon my knees and implored my Father to inflict at once the punishment due to lukewarmness and apostasy

How vain had been all my previous desire to distinguish myself--how arrogant my pretensions--how inefficient my weak attempts! I was not worthy of the commission with which I had been invested and I besought heaven to degrade the wretch who could not speak at the seasonable moment and to bestow it upon one worthier of its love and abler to perform his duty

I passed a miserable night of remorse and bitter self-accusation and in the morning was distracted by the battling feelings that were marshalled against each other in my soul

Now a sense of my unworthiness was victorious over every other thought and I resolved to resign my trust and think of it no more; then the belief in my election the animating thought that I was chosen and must still go forward or stand condemned hated by myself rejected by my God;--this gained the mastery next and I was torn by sore perplexity

I appealed to my benefactor

As usual balm was on his lips and I found encouragement and support

"I was yet young in the faith " he said "and the abundance of heavenly grace was not yet manifested

It would come in due time; and in the mean while I must persevere and a blessing would unquestionably follow

" Much more he added to reconcile me to the previous day's defeat and to animate me to new trials

Never did I so much need incentive and upholding never before had I esteemed the value of a spiritual counsellor and friend

In a small cottage distant about three miles from the residence of Mr Clayton there lodged at this time an old man with his sister a blind woman about seventy years of age

He had communicated with Mr Clayton's church for many years

He was now poor and had retired from the metropolis to the hut for the advantage of purer air and in the hope of prolonging the short span within which his earthly life had been brought

To this humble habitation I was directed by Mr Clayton

"The woman " said the minister "is without any comfortable hope; but the prospects of the brother are satisfactory and most cheering

Go to the benighted woman

Her's is a melancholy case

Satan has a secure footing in her heart and defeats every effort and every motive that I have brought to bear against it

May you be more fortunate--may her self-deceived and hardened spirit melt before the force and earnestness of your appeals!" I ventured for a second time on sacred and interdicted ground and visited the cottage

The unhappy woman to whom I had specially come was smitten indeed

She was blind and paralyzed and on the extreme verge of eternity

Yet afflicted as she was and as near to death as the living may be she enjoyed the tranquillity and the gentleness of a child ignorant of sin and in virtue of her infancy confident of her inheritance

I could discover no evidence of a creature alarmed with a sense of guilt loathing itself conscious of its worthlessness

Her nature in truth seemed to have usurped a sweetness and placidity the possession of which as Mr Clayton afterwards observed was justifiable only in those who could find nothing but vileness and depravity in every thought and purpose of their hearts

It was a beautiful day in summer and Margaret was sitting before the cottage porch feeling the sun's benevolent warmth and tempering with the closed lid the hot rays that were directed to her sightless orbs

She had no power to move and was happy in the still enjoyment of the lingering and lovely day

She might have been a statue for her quietness--but there were curves and lines in the decrepit frame that art could never borrow

Little there seemed about her to induce a love of life and yet a countenance more bright with cheerfulness and mild content I never met

The healthy and the young might read a lesson on her blanched and wrinkled cheek

Full of my errand I did not hesitate at once to engage her mind on heavenly and holy topics

She did not or she would not understand me

I spoke to her of the degradation of humanity our fallen nature and the impossibility of thinking any thing but sin--and a stone could not be more senseless than the aged listener

"Was I sure of it?" she asked

"Did my Bible say it? Much she doubted it for she had sometimes especially since her blindness clear and beautiful thoughts of heaven that could not be sinful they rendered her so happy and took away from her all fear

It was so shocking too " she thought "to think so ill of men--our fellow-creatures and the creatures of a perfect Father

She loved her brother--he was so simple-minded and so kind to her too; how _could_ she call him wicked and depraved!" "Do you feel no load upon your conscience?" I enquired

"Bless the good man's heart!" she answered "why what cares have I? If I can hear his friendly voice and know he is not heavy-burthened I am happy

Brother is all to me

Though now and then I'm not well pleased if the young children keep away who play about me sometimes as if they did not need a playfellow more gay than poor blind Margaret

" "Have you no fear of death?" said I

"Why should I have?" she answered quietly; "I never injured another in my life

" "Can that take off the sting?" I asked